maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
