That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's shark week go big or go home
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
