Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My penis needs a shock collar
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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