your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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