My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
