Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
