Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
