wakey wakey hands off snakey
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
