3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
