After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
