Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
