i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
