There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
