Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
