There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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