tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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