Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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