im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
