also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
