they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
