just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
