No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
