Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
