don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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