Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
