I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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