her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
