if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
