so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
