So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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