I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
