so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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