In the future we'll all be gay
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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