She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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