I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
