Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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