He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
