Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
