can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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