I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
