He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
