the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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