Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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