Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
