My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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