So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
