She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
