did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
