Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
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