Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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