A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
