My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
